Being a Father

On my last post "Proud New Father" Darren from Notes To Myself left a kind comment and then asked, "I wonder how exactly you must be feeling - is it something you wouldn't understand until you've experienced it?". This question got me thinking last night. I was wondering how I could explain and answer this question. First of all I think that the concept of being a Father can probably be understood fairly well, but I guess something happens when you first look at your child that must be experienced to truly understand the feeling. I don't think that anyone is ever really ready for fatherhood. I mean of course financial security, stability, and a good, understanding solid relationship with your partner helps a lot, but not even that can always guarantee that you are ready. I don't think being a father is for everyone but there are something’s in life that you just can't plan perfectly (mentally and physically) for and I believe this is one of them. It's something that you just have to go for if you think you want it. I think often you will be formed into a father naturally upon the occurrence of it. Now I will try to explain the feeling. Most of us have had a girlfriend or wife currently or at some point in time whom we believe/believed we truly loved, but I strongly feel that romantic love is never unconditional....there are always conditions in a romantic relationship whether we mean to create them or not...they always exist. When you have a child though, you get a true feeling of what unconditional love is. Let me explain. Being a Father never really hits you until you see and hear your child at least with me it was this way. When you first see and hold your child you realize how weak they are and how completely dependent they are on you and that you and your partner alone will be the biggest influence in deciding this young child's future and existence. It is a feeling of complete power and complete submissiveness simultaneously. It makes you stronger in ways than you ever thought you could be and it makes you weaker and more vulnerable than you ever thought you could be as well. It gives new purpose and meaning, and reason to your life. It makes you mature and grow as a human being in a way that you never thought possible. Now being a parent can also lead to the utter destruction of your relationship as well, but if you understand you and your partner’s role and try to help and understand each other it can make your relationship stronger. It does take both partners though. For me being a father is complete and unconditional love, a comfort in knowing that something now exists that you are gladly willing to die for if necessary, and whom gives you the strength to do just about anything that you have to in order to make sure that they are protected, and cared for properly. Well, I guess that is about my best shot at trying to explain fatherhood. I have to admit it is a little harder than I first thought. There are many people out there whom have been a father a lot longer than I have so if anyone wants to add to what I just wrote please do so as I and I am sure many others would love to here your opinions and ideas...etc. as would I. We can all benefit from each others advice regardless of our level of experience. So, there you go Darren....my explanation. It is something that I would not trade for anything and I highly recommend experiencing it someday when you FEEL ready. Thanks again for the comment.

Comments

[Darren]

Thanks a lot - No one has ever been inspired to write an entire post based on one of my comments before. What's more, I nearly deleted that part of my comment because it sounded so childish and obvious.

It's interesting that you feel you can never be totally prepared and that being a father makes you into a father.

From your post I can see how deeply having a child can affect people. The feeling of being in complete control of a new life is not something I had thought of; neither is feeling weak at the same time as powerful. The mix of opposite emotions is the surprising part for me.

Of course, people must experience different feelings when becoming a parent and though I know next to nothing about it I have always guessed it must be a magical experience for most people.

The best of luck with fatherhood!

[Jim]

Congrats to both of you on the birth of your daughter. I can tell from the convictions of your posts that you will be a great dad. Luna is a beatiful child and I can just imagine how proud you must be.

[Jpapa]

Congratulations to you all. My daughter is almost 2 and the changes over that time have been amazing. (mind-bogglingly amazing!)

My wife is Japanese and has a Post Partum Depression site. There isn't a lot of PPD support in Japan - so just in case. You can msg me & I'll find out how to find it.

[bily]

excellent texture.h

[Kim]

Hello!^

[djecki]

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[alex]

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